Friday, 18 December 2015

It feels like my whole world this last while has been about sorting and ordering and going through.  Two years, in fact, of sorting and ordering and going through, but most of it hasn't been about going through my own personal things.  It was about going through the things of someone I loved, going through the things of a life I loved, always always about going through what just is not there anymore.

I have always carried a lot of things with me.  I have a lot of books.  Yes I read them over and over and over.  I have always had my trinkets to surround myself with to make me feel instantly at home no matter where I lived, but these last few years, I don't feel at home anywhere, even with all my things.  I feel mildly unmoored.  Not unsettled but unmoored.  I am a boat that never sets anchor or ties up to a dock.  

I came across this on Pinterest.  The KonMari method of organizing your home and decluttering your life.  Or the actual title of the book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing

I read a little about that over the last while and have thought about all the things here at my wee home and about what will be next if there is to be a next.  (Since I wake each morning, I surmise that, yes, indeed, there will be a next.)

I completely understand the concept of only keeping the things that bring you joy.  Even more I understand the concept of not buying anything but what you know will bring you joy for the long haul.  I did not always know that, but I do now. Not buying has been pretty easy in most ways for a very very long time, long before life changed so much.

But I wonder, if I did the KonMari method with all the things that make me feel at home in the world - lay it all out, assume I am getting rid of it all, pick up each one of the things and ask if having it brings me joy, and only keep it when the answer is yes - would I feel better or worse than this unmoored self I am now?  Would it open up a whole new world to me or would I lose myself even more?

I am not sure that I am in any state to make that kind of decision right now.  It is an interesting idea though.  Applying that process may happen without any actual letting go.  Perhaps it will lead me to understand how to get past the unmoored feeling and how to figure out and sort what the new moorings will look like and just where they will be.

I am sorry I am such a debbie downer this week.  Obviously there has not been enough knitting to keep me sane and without anyone here to talk it through with, you blog, are where it will get sorted and ordered and put to rest or resolution.  I actually don't feel like a debbie downer.  I feel better writing all my questions out, sorting out the words to make some sort of sense of it.

So, now that I have that worked through and said out loud, I am going to make some coffee and go sit and knit a spell, just to give my questing heart a rest. And then I will go and get the ham, and the tatter tots and all the accouterments of a good brunchy dinner for my kids for Christmas.  

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