Sunday, 24 May 2015

Morning has Broken

Morning broke here today. It was utterly unexpected and desperately desired.  I didn't think it would ever be mine again.

Many would think silence is heavy and lonely but the world isn't silent, even miles from any other living human being. I loved living in the forested place we did, because of what I could hear right outside my window.  

I loved camping for that same deep listening experience.  Early in the morning, I would find a sunny spot and would sit and just listen to the forest waking up.  Brian always asked what on earth I was doing all day and did I even leave the campsite.  I was listening, I would explain. I would close my eyes and just listen to the wind through the tree tops, to the birds, to the small and insistent sounds of bees, to the chatter of squirrels, to those splendid occasions when I would hear the calf elk call for their mammas.  

His connection to the world was active and sound was part of his active and mine was a more passive experience, but camping worked for both of us.

Since that awful summer when he died, my world has been filled with noise.  I needed to turn on TV in every room I am in.  I needed the sound even to sleep.  TV and its chatter were my white noise, stemming conscious awareness of all the thoughts I just could not resolve that whirled in my head. 

The last week or so, I caught myself sitting here in front of my computer, with no other white noise.  I was surprised each time it happened, but it never really hit me how different that was.

Then this morning,  I poured my coffee and sat down and started knitting.  I didn't even think about adding tv.  

It's one of those perfect mornings of late spring, where the world is quiet of human noise and the sun is shining.  Its just bird call and soft breezes and I caught myself just sitting, hands stilled, completely immersed in the sounds.

It's been so long.

**In case you need a little boost without the busy of human noise,

Friday, 22 May 2015

I have always been a reader.  There were long parts of life where my definition of myself was reader.  I know that when I moved, I had almost as many boxes of books as I do yarn.

It has been a long time since I read a book and could not put it down.  Putting it down has been the hallmark of my reading style the last few years.  To read, I had to be regimented, a little like practising scales for piano lessons.  I had to make time and say, I will read now.  When I was younger, I read because I did not know how not to. I had to read.  If I wasn't reading, then I wasn't really there.  

It started Wednesday afternoon.  Then, yesterday was like that.  I picked up a book that I have read a hundred times before and just slurped it in.  The book was in my hand through the whole day and I couldn't not read it.  

I have been a little worried about reading.  It was such a different thing the last few years and I worried that I wasn't going to get it back.  I thought that perhaps, I had changed and become a grazer of books, stopping here and there, but not really diving in head first becoming enmeshed not so much by the story, but by the experience of reading.

Yesterday, I became enmeshed with an old friend that I worried was long gone only it wasn't.  It was right there waiting for me.  That was such a huge relief, such a huge joy.

Thursday, 21 May 2015

This Weeks Forecast

The May long weekend is considered the beginning of summer here. Gardens go in.  All the campgrounds open.  Things are turning green.  We hope. A new week, a new season ought to be marked by something new and after all the kiddie things, I needed a little something for me. There will be more kiddie things later.

 My good friend brought me this yarn back from a trip to Halifax.  Its a Fleece Artist BFL 2/8 which is just about my favourite yarn.*

The plan is to knit every inch I possibly can of this delicious yarn so I wanted a pattern that would allow me to do that.  I also wanted a pattern that would be interesting but not painful.  I just can't deal with complexity.  Heck, right now, I can barely remember where my coffee cup is, so interesting and simple seemed to right place to be.  

There is no better place to look for interesting and simple than Martina Behm's Strickmich!  I bought a few of her patterns a while ago, when she had a special on for Knitmore Girls  podcasts and looking through those, found Magrathea.  

And it is quite perfectly interesting and simple and I love knitting it.  It isn't that there aren't challenges.  There are.

There have been several times where I had to pull back and redo a set of rows.  There are two that are a little close in a particular pattern element.  If I set the thing down, it can be hairy as in scary! Since I started placing a marker right at the point where the few stitches are cast off, it has been much, much easier and now that I know where my particular difficulties will lie, I can knit a little easier.

Its always that way for me.  Understand a problem, and then slay it.  I don't know that my problems are quite slayed.  There will probably be more times where screwing up will walk closer by my side than I care for, but I know what too look for and that pleases me.

I have a wee companion with me for a few days.  

Toby's duck came for a visit, and just happened to bring his wee master.  The master is a little more work than the duck is, but both are very good company!

I planted flowers on my deck on Tuesday and did my shopping yesterday.  The sun is out.  My house is more or less tidy.  I have nothing important (that I remember) to do.  My forecast for the rest of the week, is Knit.  Knit.  Knit. 

* It should be noted, that at all times, yarn, all yarn, or anything that could even be considered as yarn, is my favourite yarn.  This is a constant source of surprise to me.