Thursday, 24 July 2014

Murphy's Laws of Knitting

I came across this on Ravelry, and really, it is just too good not to pass on.  Created by the inimitable Skeincharmer on Ravely in 2006 on her live journal page.


First Law of Projects 
Whenever you set out to knit something, something else must be knitted first. 
Addendum 1: If you pretty much prefer your current project, you will be obliged to cast on the new one. 
Addendum 2: If you pretty much prefer to cast on the new project, it will turn out you aren’t equipped for it (don’t have the required yarn, or not enough of it, or in unwanted color; or miss the recommended needles; or your size isn’t included in the pattern; etc. etc.).
Second Law of Projects 
As soon as you’re knitting what you wanted to be knitting, you want to be knitting something else.
Scott’s First Law 
No matter what detail goes wrong, it will probably look right. 
Justification: And besides, muggles won’t notice anyway.
Finagle’s Third Law 
In any pattern, the section most obviously correct, beyond all need for checking, either contains the error or significant omission, or is taken from a totally unrelated 
pattern. 
Corollary 1: No one whom you ask for help will see that. 
Corollary 2: Everyone who stops by with unsought advice or their own irrelevant question will see it immediately.
Finagle’s Fourth Law 
Once a WIP is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
Finagle’s Laws of Patterns 
I. The patterns you have are not what you want. 
II. The patterns you want are not what you need. 
III. The patterns you need are not what you can obtain. 
IV. The patterns you can obtain cost more than you want to pay. 
Ditto for yarns.
Klipstein’s Laws relating to knitting 
I. Any yarn cut to length will be too short. 
II. Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly. 
III. If a project requires n skeins, there will be n-1 skeins available. 
Addendum: If a shortage will be revealed during work in progress, the yarn will occur to be discontinued. 
Corollary: If you were lucky to buy n skeins, then at least one will be of different dyelot (or even of different colorway) which was obscure in unnatural light at the LYS. 
IV. An error made on first rows of the largest detail will be discovered only after blocking.
Universal Laws for naive knitters 
I. In any pattern, any error that can creep in, will. 
II. It will be in the direction that will do the most damage to the FO. 
IV. The probability of a dimension or value being omitted from a schematic is directionaly proportional to its importance. 
Example: One shouldn’t hibernate projects for years. There is a pattern, a gauge swatch, extensive recalculations and one sleeve. Nice! But no trace of needle size. 
VI. Parts that must not and cannot be assembled improperly will be.
Stockmayer’s Theorem 
If an item looks easy, it’s tough. If it looks though, it’s damn near impossible.
Golub’s Second Law of Craftdom 
A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; if carefully planned, it will take only twice as long.
Cheops’s Law 
Nothing ever gets knitted on schedule or within budget. 
Addendum: Or with expected outcome.
Allen’s Axiom 
When all else fails, follow the pattern.
Johnson’s Third Law 
If you miss one issue of a magazine, it will contain the pattern you would like to cast on right now. 
Corollary: All of your knitter friends either missed it, lost it, or threw it out.
Richard’s Complementary Laws of Possession
  1. If you keep a yarn or pattern long enough, you will have ample justification for throwing it away.
  2. If you throw anything away, you will need it as soon as it is no longer accessible.
Ettore’s Observation 
Others always knit faster.
Second Law of Revision 
The more innocuous a modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more parts will have to be reknitted.
Miksch’s Law 
If a skein has one end, then it has another end.
Shaw’s Principle 
Write a pattern that even a fool can follow, and only fools will want to knit it.
Sleeve Scheduling “90/90” Rule 
The first 90 percent of a sleeve takes 10 percent of the time. The last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.
Meskimen’s Law of Time 
There is never enough time to knit it right, but there is always enough time to knit it over.
Explanation of the Epstein-Heisenberg Principle for knitters 
In any project, only two of the three parameters can be defined at any given time. Those parameters are the yarn, the stitch pattern, and the silhouette:
  1. If the yarn and stitch pattern are chosen, then they won’t work for the silhouette you want (or fit the shape of your size).
  2. If the yarn and silhouette are determined, then the stitch pattern won’t show.
  3. If the silhouette and stitch pattern will be exactly as written in the pattern, then the yarn isn’t available anymore.
Extended Interpretation of Epstein-Heisenberg Principle 
If, by any means, the yarn, the silhouette and the stitch pattern are happily married into an exact garment you wanted, your life situation will change so you won’t be able to wear it for a long time. (Or ever.)
Law of Yarn Relativity 
If your yarn supply is restricted with no opportunity to buy an extra skein, so you had to replace a neck shaping (for bottom-up garment) or bottom treatment (for top-down garment), or to use another yarn for seaming, then the garment will unexpectedly stretch out after the first washing.
Law of Self-striping Anisotropy 
Any two skeins of any self-striping yarn with directional stripes are always wound in the opposite directions. 
(If you ever knitted from such a yarn and all skeins were wound in the same direction, then remember: If Murphy’s Law can go wrong it will.)
Law of Long-Tail Cast-On 
The required number of stitches can be casted on from either first or third attempt.
Theory of Single PITA 
To get the maximum satisfaction from knitting, the process should involve no more than a single PITA. It could be a novelty yarn, or uber-complicated fashion, or intricate chart requiring your full attention, or whatever -- but just one thing. Unfortunately, most projects presuppose at least two PITAs.
Law of Leftovers 
Any leftovers are enough for 3 socks or 1.5 gloves.
Law of Twoness 
Any mates will be knitted three times in sum.
Law of Knots 
In any amount of any yarn, despite the price, at least one skein always has at least one knot or break. 
Corollary: The front always ends up with more knots than any other detail 
Addendum: On cardigan fronts, a skein always ends at the front opening edge.
Rule of Swift and Ballwinder 
The yarn tangles and/or the skein collapses the moment you blink.
Law of UFOs 
Each crafter has a blur on her/his honour (aka languished project at the back of their closet).
Law of Machine Knitting Bind-Off 
The side of latch-tool bind-off which is intended to be private always looks better than the side intended to be facing.
Law of Charting 
If you chart full-sized details and all contours and shaping lines match perfectly, then the number of stitches or rows along at least one distance is miscalculated.
Law of Calculation 
If your stitch pattern has inconvenient width and/or height and your shaping eliminates or appends whole repeat(s), then the measurements were taken wrong.
Law of World’s Harmony 
Any garment you’ve knitted for yourself, fits and flatters anyone else better. 
Corollary: Any garment you’ve knitted on commission, fits and flatters you perfectly. 
Corollary on corollary: And regardless of size, sex and style.

Bravo Skeincharmer!