Living with the world as it is.

Once again, I seem to have not knitted yesterday. Morning appointments and discussions seem to have taken the entire day.  Add in a nap and there was not time to accomplish anything more than a few household errands.  But it did give me time to think.

My dad was a really special person.  He taught us so many things mostly by example.  One of the things he taught us was to try to see and understand all sides of an issue.  He tried to see all sides and he did not believe in cutting out what he wasn't really comfortable with.  He tried to live with things as they were rather than how he felt they ought to be.  He always tried to find a way to work with and find the good even in the most impossible people and the really hard situations. He found solutions for little things for anyone who asked for his help and he took pride in it.  He took responsibility for the things he did in this world and tried to act with a thought for how the little things he did would ripple out there in the big wide world.   

I am thinking a lot about him as is natural, and those good memories are helping to heal the hole his passing has left in my world.  But it is a very different thing than before.  I was prepared for the difference, but knowing it and living it is such a different thing.  I am seeing a different side of grief.   All the colours of grief are kind of amazing to me.  I never really wanted to know this, but here it is, and I will live with things as they are rather than how I wish them to be.  

Now it is time to go write a letter to my mom.  One of the things I learned through all of this has been just how nice it is to sit down and write a letter, a real letter.  A letter allows you to think about the words you use, and mull over the way you say things.  You can cut to the heart of a story in a way I really can't when I speak.  It allows you to edit which is lovely.  

So off to write a letter to my mom because there are so many things I appreciate about her, so many things I remember.  I love my mom. I wish she did not have to know these differences I know.  

**In case this strikes you as so sad, it really isn't.  I find comfort in all those memories with my family and times with dad.  It fills me with love. I know how lucky I have been in my family.