The Queen died today.  

She is a far world away from most things in Canada but her face is on our money, her speech plays at Christmas and all our laws rules regulations and legal things are in her name.  She is intrinsically bound in our nationhood.

But there is so much more.  

After Brian died, one of the things I found hardest of all, was figuring out a new framework to my life.  Feeling comfortable with it took a long, long time. For me, in a lot of ways, the Queen is one of those societal frames that is part of how I see my country and me in it.  She is like the backup plan if things are not working out.

Technically, of course, she wasn't, but it felt like she was.  And now she is gone.

One of the wonders of the Monarchy is that it will move on seamlessly, and we have a new king and a new person backing up everything we are.

But she has always been my queen and I am going to miss her.